Just like I wrote about in this post for pregnant ladies, there are several things you should not say to a new mom. In fact, I would highly recommend that if you have to stick to either that list of "no-no's" or this one, this one is the one to remember. I mean, come on: a majorly sleep-deprived woman who has not had time to eat, shower, or pee. On top of that,she's covered in spit up, still trying to lose that last 10 lbs, and is holding a screaming baby. Do you really want to test her?
Sorted in no particular order by category, the people that really irk a new mom:
1. Patronizer (is that a word? I'm making it a word). Again, same as with the pregnant lady: "Just you wait" or "You'll see". I'm sorry, but can you sound more patronizing? I totally get that your child's teething, first ear infection, etc. are horrible and their screaming is maddening, but I think I somewhat understand how it feels to have a screaming baby. I dealt with that for 15+ hours in a day for the first 6 weeks of Conrad's life. Please don't make it sound like I haven't got a clue.
2. Question One-Upper/passive competitor: Conrad really hasn't hit any major milestones yet so I myself haven't been privy to these. However, I've often heard moms ask other moms questions in what seems to be a way to then one up them. To me, this is worse than someone who is outright competitive (although those people are obnoxious as well).
Example:
Mom A: "Is Jack walking yet?" When Jack is clearly only crawling at this time.
Mom B: "No, but he's getting close"
Mom A: "Oh really? Well Aiden walked at 9 months!"
Seriously? That's nice, but can you be more obvious? It's so surprising how often I've heard this. It's not a competition folks!!! Just wait until little Jack can say his ABC's before your Aiden, then you'll be sorry you asked.
3. The Judger: About anything: "You're not breastfeeding??"I did for the first 8 weeks but due to Conrad's GERD I began pumping instead. "You didn't want to have him sleep in your bedroom, weren't you worried?" I chose NOT to have Conrad sleep with us at all. It was too much to jump out of bed at every movement and chirp. Natural childbirth vs. childbirth with medication (ie. epidural) Don't get me started on this - yes, I got an epidural after the first four hours and there's no way in hell I would have gone a full 18 hours in that kind of pain. I had nothing to prove to anyone.
4. The un-asked-for advice giver: plain and simple: if I didn't ask for it, I don't want it. My kid is not yours, all my experiences will be different from yours. I will ask if I need anything.
Basically, just smile, ask how old the baby is, and tell me he's cute. And if I call you crying and complaining that my child has not stopped screaming for three days straight, don't say "Just you wait until..." or "Really? I don't remember my kid doing that" Just say "you're doing a great job and you are a wonderful mother". That's all you need to do for now...until we get pregnant again.
Attempting to keep it together 24/7,
Elizabeth
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