My First Full Year of Motherhood

Throughout 2013 our family obviously was very busy with the new addition to our household! We started off the year celebrating and loving on our new little guy and then I went back to work in the beginning of February. Four months of being with Conrad 24/7 and then all of a sudden handing him over to someone else for 10 hours a day?! Rude awakening. As I've mentioned before, this is the worst part about being a working mom. But hey, the baby's gotta eat! Here's some things I wish I knew before but learned well in 2013:

1. I can survive on >6 hours of sleep per night OR sleep/wake/sleep/wake off and on for 8+ hours. The husband, however, tends to be a bit more grouchy when forced to do this. I realize there are reasons why women are moms as men can't handle the lack of sleep too well.

At least he got some sleep!

2. Breastfeeding is HARD. And you know what? If you end up not following through for the whole recommended year, it's OK. Your baby will survive. Just like those that breastfeed their child until they're 18 don't like to be judged, neither do moms who only do it for 3 months.

3. Anything you read in baby books you can find on the internet. I have about 5 different sleep method books and 3 different baby first year books and used none of them. And guess what?! Conrad slept through the night after 8 months without some sort of crazy rigid method. He eats well without some sort of crazy eat this first then that. Do what works for you and whats healthy for your baby.

4. Doctors don't always have the answers and YOU are your child's advocate. If you think something's wrong or not right, keep pushing on Momma!

5. Think your lifestyle was different than your single friends before? Hey, at least you could still join them for happy hour. Get ready to host wine night at your house instead and pray they don't mind toys all over the place and you wearing two-day old yoga clothes covered in spit up. Hey, at least you have wine.

6. Speaking of wine, it's my new best friend. Mama can always use more wine when she gets a lot of "whine" from the baby. HA, see what I did there?

Looks like C-Rad would like some wine too!

7. You will be judged for anything and everything you do. You learn not to care.

8. If you don't believe in yourself, you'll drown in self-doubt and worry. But you know what? There are worse parents out there than you (read: Britney Spears? entire cast of 16 and pregnant?) so try your hardest to do right by your child and the rest doesn't matter - the matching clothes, perfect nursery, and right on target schedule are all meaningless as long as your baby is healthy and happy.

9. Schedule? What schedule?! Let go.

10. Don't compare yourself and your child to others. Do what works for you and your family; you'll drive yourself crazy trying to keep up with everyone else!

11. The dishes can wait. So can the laundry, vacuuming, and bed-making. Oh, and the baking, organizing, and polishing silver?! Forget about it. What can't wait are the moments your baby laughs, walks, and talks. What can't wait are the cuddles, book-reading, and block building. These are important.

12. I used to think I wanted to work up that corporate ladder right away - time was money. But now, time is time and you can't get it back. "I wish I had spent more hours in the office" - said no one ever.

13. Never underestimate the power of a good cry. Or muffled scream while hiding in your bathroom. Hey, whatever relieves your stress.

14. Take care of yourself! Don't be afraid to ask the husband, friend, neighbor, grandparent to watch the baby while you get a mani, go to the gym, drive to Starbucks and veg for an hour. You deserve it and shouldn't feel guilty.

15. Guilt! Oh the guilt! When your brain is telling you that you aren't doing enough, tell it to back the bus up and take a look at the beautiful child you carried for 9+ months and brought into the world. Did you feed him, clothe him, cuddle, kiss, and play with him today? It's enough.

16. Remember who your partner is when raising a child and learn to trust in them. Sean is an amazing father and I don't doubt his abilities for a second and appreciate all that he does and should probably thank him more as there are Dads out there that do absolutely nothing.

17. Take pictures, lots and lots of pictures! Every day if possible.

Oh, the outfits! Not enough days for them all...

18. Frozen foods, crock pot meals, and take out or delivery were the best things invented. EVER.

19. Now that Conrad is older, I try to make time in the morning before he wakes up to shower, do my hair, and makeup. After all, I'm still a real person and feel better when I'm put together (even if I'm overwhelmed on the inside, hey, at least I look great!) even if I'm at home by myself.

20. In order to do the above it's best to go to bed early. Sure, I'd love to stay up late and read or catch up on shows but at this point...who cares if Emily Thorne ever gets her Revenge on the Grayson family, she doesn't have a 14 month old to take care of.

21. If you don't have time to see friends and family as often as you'd like, still text and call or email them to keep up with their lives. Technology is great so take advantage of it!

22. There's always tomorrow. Or later today. If you didn't get it right at this moment, your child won't break or be scarred for life.

23. It's ok to want to run away sometimes. You know you're not really going to do it so imagining you're on a tropical beach without the baby and hubby can be a nice vay-cay for the brain.

24. Even when your little one is screaming and crying or throwing a tantrum, cherish him, love him. Before you know it, he'll be out of the house and on his own. Take advantage of every second.

Attempting to keep it together 24/7,

Elizabeth

Daycare Woes

So, as many working mothers can I'm sure relate, going back to work and deciding on a daycare is the most difficult thing you can do. Some are fortunate to have family watch their little ones (like my sister!), some are able to afford in-home nannies (lucky!), and the rest of us have to do tons of research, interviews (although this is done with nannies too), and visits. Then there's the endless mind-games you play with yourself: is this the right fit? is he in the right environment? is he being well cared for and loved? Mom guilt goes on overload at this point.

We were fortunate to find an in-home daycare right on our street; Miss Farzaneh lives about 10 houses down from us and just happened to finish sitting for a family that moved away. Which meant that Conrad was the only baby and got her undivided attention! With his feeding issues, weird napping (aka, NO naps) schedule, and general fussiness, this was perfect. She is like another grandmother for him! He's completely spoiled because I'm sure all she did was hold him all day. However, now that he's older, this just does not fly. He constantly whines to be held at all times and freaks out when you put him down. We have a regular little prince on our hands!

While the undivided attention has been good, I'm starting to think that he'll need to be around other kids soon. And while she has lots of toys and interactive things for him, I'm always worried about whether or not he's being stimulated enough. She doesn't speak English very well (she's from Iran) and so I'm not sure how much learning there is going on. I know that at a year old, there's no big rush to "learn" anything crazy but it would be nice to know that they are reading books, singing songs, and other educational things once in  while.

There are a couple different daycares, both in home and not, that I've looked into. The issue is that they are more expensive (daycare in the DC Metro area is RIDICULOUSLY expensive) and not as convenient. And who knows if they'll actually be better?

Maybe I'll just quit my job and stay home. We'll be poor and have to live in a one bedroom shack, but I would be home with Conrad. What's a mom to do? I mean, who wouldn't want to be with this little guy all day?

Finally taking some advice

Things have been more than a little crazy in our house lately so blogging fell by the wayside for a hot second. But....I'm back! And I'm sure all my lovely 6 readers missed me dearly ;)

Work has been super crazy but I must say that the meal planning I mentioned recently as well as hiring a cleaning person IS AMAZING. Why didn't I suck it up and do this before!? Like I've been saying with all things motherhood-related, why didn't anyone tell me?! I swear, I'm going to make a list so this doesn't happen to other new working moms. Or maybe they did tell me and my stubborn self thought "stop telling me what to do!" I'm thinking it's unfortunately the latter.  But now I realize all that well-meant advice might have actually had some sustenance behind it and I'm wishing I remembered it all.
There's so much pressure to be the best at everything (well, maybe this is pressure I put on myself) whether it's work, home, as a mom, wife, friend, or family member. I'd been feeling stretched a little thin and I'm learning to say "no" to things now - dinners out, projects at work, parties, etc. Someone once told me that it's ok to do this - glad I'm finally taking that advice as well.

Any other pieces of wisdom anyone can give me? I promise I'm listening now. :)

Rant: The one and only time I ever wanted to call a radio show

So I was driving to a client's house listening to a radio show out of L.A. on XM Radio. A girl wanted to prank her friend because she's apparently crazy (as I soon found out) by having the host call her friend acting like the daycare for her friend's daughter.

Ok, ok...if you're like me, at first you're thinking "whoa, that's nothing to mess around with"...but read on.

So the host pretends to be the principal of her little pre-school/daycare and informs the friend/mom that her daughter has been acting out, biting, hitting, and generally causing issues. Fine. Logical reaction of the mother (or what I thought would be logical) would be "oh wow, I'm sorry, what's going on, how can I handle this?". However, mother's reaction was:

"WHAT?! You're lying! My daughter is an angel! She never acts out! What kind of a teacher are you?! Are you saying I'm a bad mother?!"

I'm sorry...but what the F? How is that an appropriate reaction at all? The radio host then had the original girl call her friend as part of the prank and of course the woman goes off to her friend about the daycare calling. To make matters worse, the woman said she had meant to tell her friend that she noticed her daughter pulling her own daughter's hair and bullying her and so maybe the school was right.

You would have thought that the child's life was threatened the way this woman went crazy! She banned her friend from play dates (seems like the friend won out on this one) saying she was lying and blackmailing her daughter (does she know what blackmailing means?) and her daughter is a perfect angel.

ARRGGHHHHH!

Obviously, this woman is on the extreme end but it got me thinking about other times I've heard about this issue; there are so many parents out there that think their child can do no wrong and take it extremely personally when their children don't do well, act out, make a mistake. But who gets blamed? Teachers, day care providers, coaches, other parents. And then these kids grow up to feel so self-important and entitled!

It scares me for when Conrad goes to school or when he gets old enough for play dates. Obviously, all you can do is teach your child the best you can and hope it works. And children are children! Even the best parents in the world are going to have kids that make mistakes.

I know for sure when I was growing up if I ever acted out and an adult spoke to my mother about it, she wouldn't question the adult but would turn to me and say, "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!" And chances are, I did wrong and had to fess up and change my behavior.

I SO wanted to call in the radio station and give my two cents but since it was via XM they didn't give the # nor did they have any follow up to it.

Am I the only one that feels this woman is crazy? Has anyone ever dealt with crazy moms like this?

Attempting to keep it together 24/7,

Elizabeth

Is this real life?

There's a phrase that is thrown out that I've heard a lot of lately that I don't agree with: "Perception is Reality". That whatever you put out there is how people will read you. Sure, if you're meeting someone for the first time and you don't make a great impression (maybe you had a bad morning, have a headache, have a lot on your plate), people will judge you based on that initial meeting. Sure, we all put out there what we want people to see: the beautiful home, the great marriage, the perfect baby, the great style. Sure, we can act composed, put together, and "above it all" when we want to.

But if people actually believe our lives are like that all the time or judge us based on initial meetings, then I think that's their fault, not ours. So we've all heard the phrase "perception is reality" but how about "don't judge a book by it's cover"? Who knows what has led someone to act the way they do or respond to situations in a certain way? Here's another one: "put yourself in another person's shoes."

One of the most frustrating things about being a new mom is that people don't talk about the "real" stuff. The screaming for four hours straight at 2am stuff, the breast feeding is hard as shit stuff. The acid reflux, the ear infections, the mom guilt, the difficulty losing that last 5 (ok 15) pounds. The babies cost a fortune stuff! I sat back and thought, ok, women don't want to talk about that stuff for a reason. Why? Are we afraid it will make us seem weak, like not good moms?  Am I the only mother out there whose Christmas card experience was like this:

Perception

Reality

If I meet a mom and her kid is screaming, her hair's a mess, she's forgotten her diaper bag, she's wearing last night's sweats with boob milk all over (wait, is this me?), am I going to judge her? No way. Same with the mom who has her hair perfectly coiffed, smashing outfit, and a week's worth of baby arsenal in her Gucci diaper bag (although I will ask, what's your secret, who's your nanny, and how did you invent the 36 hour day?). Not going to do it. Or at least, I'll try. Unless either one of them is a complete brat...then maybe I'll chalk it up to a bad day...or headache. Because who knows?! That could be me (no, not the one with the perfect hair, the one with the 2 day old outfit on). And I've realized its ok to not be perfect all the time. If people perceive me as not having my shit together, it may be true. But like most new moms out there, I'm trying my best to juggle a career, a house, a marriage, family, friends - and oh yeah, a baby. While somewhere in there throwing in a minute or two to myself.

So how about it moms, please tell me that this motherhood stuff is HARD and that I'm not the only one who thinks so!

Attempting to keep it together 24/7,

Elizabeth

Back open for Business!

Hi there...in case you've forgotten, this is me:

From one working mother to another, or from one working mother to the stay-at-home mother (which believe me, is also WORK!), I welcome you to my new phase in blogging. I re-vamped this blog and its design for several reasons:

1.       Keep an online journal of what’s going on in my family’s life. Things are so hectic that baby books don’t get completed, photos don’t get printed often enough, and the (several) journals that I’ve purchased or received as gifts remain empty. In the immortal words of Sweet Brown … “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”  

2.   Enable my relatives that I don’t see often to stay posted on the life of my ever-growing baby boy, Conrad (C-Rad!) in an easier-to-read forum for family and friends

3.       Most important of all, to connect with other working moms…because no joke…this stuff is HARD! The biggest pet peeve of my pregnancy is that NO ONE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE THIS DIFFICULT!!!! Being a mother and on top of that a working-out-of-the-house mother is just plain ridiculously tough. More on this later.

I will warn you that there will be LOTS of pictures of my C-Rad, lots of discussions (aka my opinions) about life as a working mother, probably lots of complaining and griping (hey, that’s what a journal’s for!), and lots of other junk thrown in between. Sometimes I may blog about recipes, marriage, products, tips and tricks that I’ve found useful and I encourage the sharing of anything that helps make our lives as Jill-of-All-Trades easier. I tend to wander towards the square thing called my soap box and if you don’t agree with what I’m saying, that’s fine. All opinions are welcome…if they are the same as mine. Just kidding; I welcome open constructive discussion (read: no personal attacks, rudeness, meanness) for the purpose of enlightenment and thinking outside the box (read: my soapbox).

For those interested, the title of my blog was an idea that my husband, Sean, came up with. For me, due to the type A part of my personality (because I believe that everyone has both types in them), I try to run my life, our family’s life, in the most organized ways possible. We’re talking lists, budgets, calendars, constant emailing back and forth about the baby, house, schedules, chores, etc. Essentially, run like a business. This is probably where you’ll stop reading and think “ok, crazy controlling lady”. But really, I’m not an insane person here, it’s just how my mind functions best. Sean is the total opposite so this can create lots of arguments strife but we push through it. Opposites attract, right?

So welcome back to my own little corner of the blogosphere and happy reading. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Attempting to keep it together 24/7,

Elizabeth

What not to say to a new mom:

Just like I wrote about in this post for pregnant ladies, there are several things you should not say to a new mom. In fact, I would highly recommend that if you have to stick to either that list of "no-no's" or this one, this one is the one to remember. I mean, come on: a majorly sleep-deprived woman who has not had time to eat, shower, or pee. On top of that,she's covered in spit up, still trying to lose that last 10 lbs, and is holding a screaming baby. Do you really want to test her?

Sorted in no particular order by category, the people that really irk a new mom:

1. Patronizer (is that a word? I'm making it a word). Again, same as with the pregnant lady: "Just you wait" or "You'll see". I'm sorry, but can you sound more patronizing? I totally get that your child's teething, first ear infection, etc. are horrible and their screaming is maddening, but I think I somewhat understand how it feels to have a screaming baby. I dealt with that for 15+ hours in a day for the first 6 weeks of Conrad's life. Please don't make it sound like I haven't got a clue.

2. Question One-Upper/passive competitor: Conrad really hasn't hit any major milestones yet so I myself haven't been privy to these. However, I've often heard moms ask other moms questions in what seems to be a way to then one up them. To me, this is worse than someone who is outright competitive (although those people are obnoxious as well).

Example:

           Mom A:  "Is Jack walking yet?" When Jack is clearly only crawling at this time.

           Mom B:  "No, but he's getting close"

           Mom A:  "Oh really? Well Aiden walked at 9 months!"

Seriously? That's nice, but can you be more obvious? It's so surprising how often I've heard this. It's not a competition folks!!! Just wait until little Jack can say his ABC's before your Aiden, then you'll be sorry you asked.

3. The Judger: About anything: "You're not breastfeeding??"I did for the first 8 weeks but due to Conrad's GERD I began pumping instead. "You didn't want to have him sleep in your bedroom, weren't you worried?" I chose NOT to have Conrad sleep with us at all. It was too much to jump out of bed at every movement and chirp. Natural childbirth vs. childbirth with medication (ie. epidural) Don't get me started on this - yes, I got an epidural after the first four hours and there's no way in hell I would have gone a full 18 hours in that kind of pain. I had nothing to prove to anyone.

4. The un-asked-for advice giver: plain and simple: if I didn't ask for it, I don't want it. My kid is not yours, all my experiences will be different from yours. I will ask if I need anything.

Basically, just smile, ask how old the baby is, and tell me he's cute. And if I call you crying and complaining that my child has not stopped screaming for three days straight, don't say "Just you wait until..." or "Really? I don't remember my kid doing that" Just say "you're doing a great job and you are a wonderful mother". That's all you need to do for now...until we get pregnant again. 

Attempting to keep it together 24/7,

Elizabeth

Day In the Life of an 8 Week Old

If anyone talks about how their newborn baby is on a"regular schedule" they are either:

a.) lying/delusional

b.) genius - if so, please share your secrets and write a book about it (as if there aren't enough)

Yes, there are some things that are routine (i.e., feeding, sleeping, crying, awake time) but they are never on schedule. Ever. As in PLEASE don't try to set your watch by my child.

Yes, people kept saying "watch out, you'll never sleep again!" when referring to a nighttime schedule with the babe, but that actually isn't our problem - it's daytime sleeping! This kid is so unpredictable as to when he wants to feed, sleep, cry, or be awake that it is maddening. Sean and I love having a regular routine but that all goes out the window when you have a baby. At least for the first few months.

And then because he loves car rides and being out, that's a totally different day. For instance, today we went out to visit Daddy at work to have lunch and ran errands. We got home around 3:00 and he's still asleep in his car seat next to me! 

If we are home all day it's different. Plus, with Sean's different shifts, who does what and when changes as well. Here's not a typical day but kind of what can happen for Conrad and me during our days. Sometimes.

6:45-7:00am: The day starts - although did it ever really end? He's calling for us (loudly wailing) from his crib. I direct Sean to the bottle of pumped milk and he feeds/diapers Conrad while I try to get some extra sleep. Hopefully Sean can get him to go back down to bed, otherwise Mommy must get up to entertain the little one so Daddy can go to work.

7:45-9:00am: In an ideal world he will have gone down for another nap so Mommy can get some shut eye and/or take a shower. If its Sean's late morning to the clinic then he takes him until 10am so Mommy can have coffee and breakfast too.

7:45-9:00am: It's not an ideal world and it's Sean's early morning at the clinic so I rock him, hold him, sing until he falls asleep in my arms. I slowly walk to the crib and put him down. Pray.

Falls asleep, I rush to pump. He wakes up.

Repeat. 

9:00-10:00am: Decide we're up and at it for the day and there will be no such thing as naps. Another feeding and diaper change for the little one. Usually around this time he is more peaceful and happy so we play on the play mat, dance around the kitchen, sing songs on the changing table. 

10:00-???? sometimes 12pm: Another feeding. Diaper change. Attempt to nap. He cries, I pick him up, sooth him, attempt to put him down again. He seems to be good at this game. He's clearly winning.

12:00pm: Little one says no nap! Go on a walk. He immediately falls asleep.

1:00pm: Home from walk. Leave him in his car seat to nap as he's super peaceful and cute - makes adorable faces while dreaming. He has me wrapped around his tiny fingers. Pump while I can and do normal people things like go to the bathroom and eat something.

1:45pm: He's up! This is another good time of day for him. Feeding, diaper change, play time on the changing table. He'll usually like his play mat at this time too. Sometimes his swing or vibrating chair while checking out the backyard through the windows. Mommy does more normal people things like empty the dishwasher, and laundry while he's entertained.

2:00pm-3:30pm: No longer entertained by himself. We sing and dance around the kitchen, read some books, he lays on my lap while I excercise his legs and generally make a fool of myself for his enjoyment - its worth it to see him smile.

3:30pm: Another feeding and diaper change. Attempt to put to nap. He cries. Try again. Repeat.

4:15pm: He's asleep! Normal people time! Answer emails, return phone calls, pump, figure out dinner.

5:15pm: He's awake! Baby time aka singing, dancing, shushing, diaper changes, etc. Hopefully Daddy's on his way home from work now if its his early day. If not, Mommy looks at the clock and wishes it was his early day.

6:30pm: Feeding, diaper change. He's calm so wrap him in the Moby wrap so I can eat and clean up. If Daddy's home now then he can take Conrad for a while. It's Sean's late day so no such luck. Walk around with him attached to me picking up stuff from the day, work on blog posts (such as this that I started 2 weeks ago), catch up with my sister on the phone.

7:30pm - 8:30pm: Fussy time! More singing and dancing around the kitchen, rock and hold him while I catch up on Real Housewives - hate them all because they have live-in nannies.

8:30: Daddy's home! Let him at least get something to eat before passing him off so I can get the bath and nighttime bottle ready.

9:00pm or so: Bathtime! He loves this, it's nice and warm, he gets to stare at himself in the mirror, and he smells good again (rather than like milk or spit up).

9:30-???: Feeding, diaper change, attempt to put to bed. We're working on getting him down and asleep by 10pm. "Working on" used loosely.

2:30-4:00am: at some point he'll call for us to eat and have a diaper change. Luckily he goes right back to sleep and then the day starts all over again!

Pretty crazy, right? However bad it eems, it is all worth it; I wouldn't trade these 12 weeks at home with him for the world and I would gladly stay at home with this schedule any day just to be with him. But now I must go as someone is calling (screaming) for me in their crib after a 15 minute nap.

Attempting to keep it together 24/7,

Elizabeth